Thursday, May 20, 2010

Finally...a weekday drunk.

I think this is the post that has been screaming to come out. Fucking crying tears that it comes through but I promise to God it's needed something this whole time.
Fuck it. The truth is I'm crying because he doesn't care about me. And I watched that tonight from a far. I was attempting hard to flirt with these other guys and get his attention, while I told them over and over again that I miss him. They kept on putting him down...he's overweight, a loser, a punk, douche. And my only excuse, I loved him and I needed him.
When did he stop being there? I wish it was when I stopped needing him, but still I crave his quick winks.
None of this makes sense. He'll follow me if I stop loving him. But I can't and you can quote me on that one. it is, keeps on going to what it needs to be.
The truth-- just relay this, and I'll feel better. In the mean time, no excuses, it's 1:30AM on a Friday, and I ask- for real this time. What is holding me back from Love? Four words from love. Push it into your pants, and tighten the belt, and say, above all- it's just love and you can do anything. Get to it.


  1. He'll follow you if you stop loving him? That doesn't make sense to me! That sounds like a formulaic self-help book. Why would you want someone to follow you only if you didn't love him? and what if, worst case scenario, you stop loving him and he doesn't notice?

    You are doing okay. You are going to be okay.

  2. Alright, so maybe I shouldn't have beer for dinner and then blog. Total jibberish comes out for sure. The next day I was more in shock that I didn't try to snag out of the Aussies. The old me never would've let an accent like that go so easily. And also, I can't keep torturing myself like this, he'll never know that I'm unhappy about where we're at- unless I get up the nerve to tell him that I want more. It's on my to-do list, I promise.