Sunday, July 7, 2013

The Burn

I’m really starting to think there’s something in the universe that just doesn’t want me to be intimate with the BF. 

I met him after a beach day with friends this weekend and was looking forward to some quality time, if you know what I mean. Within an hour I realized my chest and upper thighs were bright pink and not in a sexy way. 

And just like that, my mojo had burned in the sun just like the first layer of my skin had. Our activities remained PG the rest of the weekend- minor league baseball game, bumming on the couch and seeing Monsters University. (highly reco the movie btw).

On the train ride home I was frustrated. Yes, my burn was uncomfortable but a part of me thought I could still initiate the intimacy with him and just suck up the discomfort. Another part of me thinks that getting a burn was a sign that I wasn’t fully ready for a bedroom date with him again.

As mentioned it’s been months since we were fully intimate due to life happening and I want our physical time together to be when we’re both feeling good in our bodies- but that hasn’t happened in awhile. We’re just getting back into the swing of things and not having hospital talk in every conversation.

It’s been a challenging year so far and my fear is that these dips will control the year and we’ll still be in this limbo months from now.

I thought I was out of it a few weeks ago and feeling better but then I got laid off and now I have a sunburn. Okay, in comparison the sunburn really doesn’t matter and isn’t as roadblocking as the surgeries we had- but I guess what I’m saying is, I’m ready for some flat road with no dips. Just for a little bit so I can at least have a bedroom date and feel like a girl again. Then, sure- bring on more dips once I can get my full footing without feeling like a lobster.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

It’s been 2.5 weeks since I’ve been laid off and I’m still not used to this in limbo lifestyle. 

My main struggle with it is spending so much time alone. I’ve always been an advocate of having self-dates and making quality time for yourself often. But every day is a bit much.

Trying to make a busy schedule when you don’t have a job is a full time job in itself. I make lunches and coffee dates with contacts. 

I'm emailing everyone I’ve literally ever met in the last 6 years in my industry whether I've just talked to them 2 weeks ago or 2 years. 
That’s over100 people in under 2 weeks. I’ve had 2 interviews so far and following any and all leads much like a detective.

So it’s really a matter of when and not if, that I get working again. In the meantime though I’m realizing how much of my identity I put into my work life- and how unbalanced I feel without it. 

But silver lining, here’s a list of the good things about being unemployed:

having no bedtime
not having to wear makeup or heels everyday
having time to get in great shape and tan
reconnecting with old friends
two words ‘Netflix’ and ‘HBOGo’
not setting an alarm clock
having unlimited time to do errands
having time to shave in the shower and actually feel like a girl
being able to pick my next career direction
collecting unemployment 

Does anyone have anything else to add that I'm not thinking of?