Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Connect Two

Alright so we have text message and email and the entire Internet to connect any two people in the world so why is it so hard to feel connected to someone whose been in your life for 4 years?
Let’s face it that the majority of 2010 and 2011 I was waiting for my Ex to come back.

Then smack in the middle of 2012 after I assumed his train had left the station, he anchored his row boat next to me again.

Mixed transportation metaphor but you get it. He came back and forced himself in to my life.

And for one brief moment I felt like I had just scored The Point of the game.
We’ve been dribbling in each other’s courts since early July.

I apparently love all metaphors when I’m tired. Bare with me.

When I’m with him everything is good and he’s affectionate and attentive.
Two very important things. 

The basis of any good relationship.
The pattern we’ve fallen into is being together Saturday nights to Sunday- we have a proper date and then either he stays over or I go out to his place. 

It turned into our date night.

But our timing has been off the last few weeks and I haven’t seen him.
He’s been overwhelmed with work or described his schedule as messy.

He’s offered me Sundays recently. I volunteer on Sunday afternoons which he seemed to forget about. And I don’t really want to be penciled in between 7-9pm on a Sunday.

No one is in a datey mood on Sunday nights, no matter who the date is with.
OK- well if Ryan Gosling wanted a Sunday night of course I would rally and oblige.

Again, this weekend he offered me Sunday since he had a friend’s birthday party on Saturday night. Didn’t extend the invite to me.
I told him (text of course) Sundays won’t work for me so we’ll hopefully figure something else out.
He replied with a joke about cursing his friend’s parents so he didn’t have to go to this birthday. I didn’t reply.

Is he doing the bare minimum here or is it just me?
His actions are saying a lot. I know he’s been working till 9/10pm each night but come on- if he wanted a girlfriend at this point wouldn’t I feel more girlfriendy and solid in his life?

He's 36 going on 37, I feel like if he wants a romantic weekly buddy and not a girlfriend he should use
There’s been no phone calls. Maybe one or two in 3.5 months.

I get texts checking in during the week and of course the daily email with an entertaining cat link. Sometimes dog.
I wonder what relationships were like before fucking cats made their way to youtube.
I bet people got laid more.

What do I want, you may ask? I want his next big move. 
It's like he's holding my hand but not very well. 
Don't pick up the ball again if you aren't ready to play.
He could be just as jaded and guarded as me, but come on man- grow a pair and get in the game.

P.S... I finally went out on that date last night. Applause.

And honestly it was great to meet someone new. 
I rate the entire date a strong B+ and would go out with him again.
He was present and honest and funny. And tall.
He also cleaned his glasses twice during dinner which I thought was totally adorable. (ahem, Giles)
I started thinking what a MASSIVE plot twist it would be if now that I suddenly have my Ex back on the same dock as me, I end up wanting to be with someone else.


  1. Hmmm....may be time to move on.

  2. Giles cleaned his glasses so much so he didn't have to see what the scoobs were doing. Best to remember that. But oh how I do love the guy who does the cleaning of the eyeglasses, and guys that wear eyeglasses.

    Relationships don't just happen, it does require work, and he is putting in the bare minimum is what it sounds like. Did you have the talk yet, you know telling him what you want from him? Perhaps its best to have that little chit chat and see where you stand.

  3. Move on, please! A man who REALLY likes you will make an effort to see you, a real effort. He will call you. He will invite you to show you off to all of his friends. YOU DESERVE THIS! You deserve to be better than just a night and text messages.

    And....I don't think this is you. I think this is him, ALL him. I have been there so many times, right where you are...wanting what I wanted because I wanted to get it, even if I didn't care what it was. Years ago, I dated a man who reminds me much of your ex. He was older than me, secretive, loved to go out, very evasive. He turned out to be a cheating asshole (I believe now he was a sociopath). I found him in bed with a woman who was even 7 years younger than me, so TWENTY years younger than him!!!!! I felt this odd haze during the whole relationship and then.....well, all the wishy-washy was confirmed...he was a liar with so much more to hide than I ever knew. I knew nothing because he never let me in. This is my story, but whereas I thought we had something special and he could have been my future husband, he thought I was pretty and good drunk company and never considered me more than that.

    He will want you so much more once you move on, and if what you want is him, then try it out. What you are doing now is clearly not working.

    I think every person deserves honestly, respect, common courtesy, and at the very least more than 2 hours on a Sunday!

    So happy you went out on a date! THAT IS GREAT!

  4. What you describe does not sound like a relationship.

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  6. Wow, I'm a guy and you are being brazenly played, he doesn't even call once a week? That is worlds, worlds away from love. And you are over 21? You are training all guys to be lying manipulators. There are a hundred nicer guys who will do very nasty fun things to you and also love you.

    I can tell you, there is not one chance in 1000 this guy cares about you. The thing that's interesting is that you obviously have a problem with accepting love-- you must have turned away 100 betas to submit to that indifferent lay- unfortunately you wouldn't recognize or accept real love it if it as delivered on a barge with Pavorotti singing. It's harsh but true.

    What's especially true is he 's fucking someone better looking Saturdays now while keeping you in rotation. I can see liking sexual humiliation, but the person should at least be there with you.