Thursday, July 19, 2012

The 2nd Bottle


The best part of disconnecting for a week is reconnecting again. 

I took a real week long vacation for the first time in a long time. I was on the beach in the Bahamas for 5 nights with a friend and then home visiting family. And overall it was a great trip. 
Little to no drama, and little to no planning. 
I was in dire need of a break from both. 

I planned my flights but everything in between I just wung. 

I wung so much in the Bahamas I ended up having a night of fun with a Texan algebra teacher in the hot tub...and the beach. He also taught me how to play craps and helped me amp up my blackjack game. The gambling part isn’t an innuendo, we went gambling. Luckily I didn’t have a repeat of the last time I hit the casinos, though there were white russians involved again.

I had a great moment the next morning, as my hangover subsided with fried fish... I wondered if my mother would approve of my night. All in all, I believe I would get a thumbs up from her.

By the time I got back into town I was ready to be back in my own reality. And here's why...

This past New Years Eve I went to this party and only brought 1 bottle of champagne. I had bought another bottle but left it in my fridge. 

I told myself I'd open it when I had a win. I'd open it when something happened for me, something I went for for me, something I deserved and wanted. It couldn't be pre-arranged or really thought about, when I was going to open that bottle.
But every time I opened my fridge for the past 7 months I'd think about that bottle. 
And I wouldn't open it. 
Nothing happened that warranted it to be popped open. 

After spending most of 2010 blaming/unblaming myself for the ending of my relationship, and most of 2011 submerged in family drama, my next move was going to be made carefully. 

I opened it 4th of July at the rooftop party I went to with some friends. 
Earlier that morning around 1am, I was on another roof with my ex boyfriend deciding to go for another round. 
I know what you're thinking...how could I pop my bottle for a guy...especially this guy.  

But I didn't open it for him, I opened it for me.

Because after 2 years I had changed and forgiven myself for a lot of things and had been through enough. 
I was done letting all the bad, hard shit own me. I was done with letting it all be all there is. 
I was ready to take a chance on the possibility of something good again.
I realized if I keep thinking about the last few years and the muck I got stuck in, and waiting for the muck to appear again, that's all there'd be. 

So, yes, technically it took beer, pizza, my ex boyfriend and a rooftop for me to realize I was ready to open the 2nd bottle and see how it poured.

So far, it's smooth, sweet and a little bubbly.

1 comment:

  1. You sound like you're in such a good place! :)

    ReplyDelete