Take 2

I cleaned my room and put my laundry away. 

Two things I procrastinate doing and typically do on Sunday nights. I did both last night before going out with friends. My room looked spacious and opening. And my night went on and I drank and laughed with friends. Then at 1AM I somehow ended up on my friends rooftop with blankets and pillows, making out with my ex boyfriend. It felt amazing and safe and good. It felt honest and fun and warm. We kissed again and then talked about what the hell we were doing. 

We were starting again, slowly. Getting to know each other again and seeing what happens. Not defining it until we need to. We talked about being scared but both wanting this, knowing in some way, it was inevitable. Maybe the timing was right, maybe we'll realize that the timing isn't right. But we're gonna give it a try.  

I'm not who I was 2 years ago and he's not either. We're here to change and be with each other. We aren't here to let one broken heart define us. 

I'm done waiting for something to happen. This risk is something I'm doing for me. I could spend the rest of my life being a wing girl and giving relationship advice to friends. I could spend the rest of my life trying to make others happy. 

But today I choose to make me happy. And today I choose him. 

He came back to my apartment and we just slept. And this morning after he kissed me goodbye and left I went back to my spacious, clean room and sat on my bed. 

It's funny how foreign it was to share this space with someone, especially him. 

It won't be easy. 

But if we aren't here to share our space with someone then what are we doing?