Monday, September 3, 2012

Potential Pull

On the train ride back my 2nd overnight at the Ex's apartment, I checked my voicemail. 

I had a message from a friend's college friend asking me out for drinks this week. I had never met him. I agreed to my friend passing my number along weeks ago before this guy had moved into the city. 
Now he was here. 

It was the Ex and mine's 7th date this past weekend. 
Things are going well. 
The physical spark is still there and our conversation was great. We brought up old inside jokes and had new ones. I still sometimes got nervous and butterflies. 
Still getting used to sharing a physical space with him and having him host me. 

I'm more aware of us becoming a We then I was last time. Then, the rose-colored glasses were glued to my face. Now I feel emotionally over stimulated by it all and this 'in between' pre- DTR stage is slowly starting to get to me. 

Last night while I lay beside him I had a dream that he was dating some crazy girl while starting things back up with me. He was begging for my forgiveness and told me things with the crazy girl started going south as he started seeing me. He told me he loved me and just wanted to wine and dine me. 

In real life he's said the latter to me. 
I don't need to hear that he loves me. 
It's too early for that. But I do need something now that it's been almost 2 months since we hit the On button on our story again. 
I want it without asking for it, which less face it- isn't going to happen since guys can't read minds. 
He won't know that I need a temperature check until I ask one. 
Any ideas how? 

Something in between a 5th grader asking 'Do you want to be my boyfriend? Circle yes or no.' and an adult's overly exposed 'Where do you see us going?'

I don't want to feel exposed and I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. I want to know that as we continue to share physical time and space, that I'm not emotionally in that space alone.
I need to know I can let go of other potential ties and just hold on to him.

Until then, though even my subconscious hates the idea of the Ex dating, I'm not sure I can say no to a date.
I know it will pull me in a direction I don't want...
but I'm not tied down yet.


  1. Go on the date, see how it makes you feel about the ex. The thing is, we are adults. There is no shame in asking like a grown up, this is where you're at, and if you want things to be different this time, you need to pull up the big girl pants and ask the tough questions.

    If he can't answer them, then you know where you stand and can get out early if need be. Seriously, if I hadn't asked my question, I would still be doing the same thing, wondering the same things you are wondering.

    If you really want commitment, ask for it.

  2. It's really hard to say, I feel your indecision! I've been in a similar position before and have gone both ways on different occasions. Sometimes you say yes to to that outside date and it's the good thing for you, other times you say yes and it can damage something good you have going on.

    However...if you really feel an interest in going on the other date, I would consider it. I did it as a result of peer pressure from friends who wanted me to avoid getting into another automatic long term relationship. It cost me something good that I had going, and I still regret it. But I didn't do it because *I* wanted to...maybe that's where the difference lies. Trust your instincts!