Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Trying to Turn The Page

I went to a book reading with my cousin tonight. He's a cousin I've seen maybe four times in the past three years and not once in the last one. And instead of going into the 'poor mees' and explaining why I've been so out of touch the past year, I didn't explain and relaxed.

I just had a nice night with him and listened to famous authors including Stephen Colbert read 'To Kill A Mockingbird'
Hell at the end of the night, I even had a slice of pizza and didn't feel guilty. We laughed, talked about Israel, books, movies, and overbearing Jewish mothers.
No talk of jobs or relationships- it was a fucking nice break.

My cousin isn't the only one I haven't seen the past year and lost touch with. Between my job and my old boyfriend, I lost probably a handful of close friends who either got legit mad at me for breaking plans or who just stopped trying. Rightly so. I'm not sure if I should try to ask for forgiveness or keep going. I might not be ready to fully explain how or why I lost myself.

I'm still getting to know the girl I was. The girl who wanted to finish the first draft of her novel five months ago, the girl who wants to get out of NYC, the girl who wants to be closer with her family and be in a job where she helps people. The girl who is always trying new things and doesn't turn down plans, the girl who loves making new friends and always looking for her next big adventure.

I don't know what my next chapter will be. Will it include him or not? I believe I can turn the page and not know. Argov says, I can and should. I'll finish her book and then maybe I'll believe her and push myself on.


  1. Have you heard The After's "Beautiful Words?" thats what this post reminded me of. It's so easy to let a relationship consume you when it's magical- don't get down on yourself for letting other aspects of your life fall away a little. It's never too late to get them back and that's what it sounds like you're doing - and quite well, may I add. I LOVE this: Will it include him or not? I believe I can turn the page and not know. - keep doing what you're doing because it sounds like you're making major progress. Very happy for you :)
    PS- do you work in advertising? I thought I saw so in one post.

  2. I've never heard of that band but looked them up and really liked their music! I hope you're having a great time in FL and meeting many hot tan surfers! And yes, I do work in advertising in the big apple. My main passion is writing and I'll get published one of these days- just need to actually finish something I start. Writing is another thing that went to the side...but hah-I'm actually writing today :)