Saturday, April 3, 2010

Truths and Whatnot

I think I'm done trying to figure my (ex) relationship out for awhile. I've had so many friends and strangers even, give me advice and tell me what to do, what not to do. But I don't think rules really exist when it comes to the formulas of relationships. Everyone is different and no two relationships are the same, so how can rules or suppose'tos apply?

I've realized a lot since we broke up. I would've started to resent him if we stayed together, if I hadn't come forward and said I was unhappy. Him and his downward slump was holding me back. I don't know if it's the 4 mile run outside I just finished or because I was out mosh-pitting till 2 AM on Thursday night with a new friend at a great show. But all the things I still want to do, whether they're weekly goals or a year away, I couldn't do with him. Sure we had used to do things, road trips and picnics and shows, but then that stopped. And life without life in it, just becomes...a long weekend bumming around on the couch. Which is nice every now and then. But I'm realizing that though I don't want to go out anymore and slam tequila like its Fleetweek '08, I am still the kind of girl who needs to go out mosh pitting and 9AM runs on a Saturday. That's the girl I like, and though I miss him terribly in every way, I know I was really starting to miss that girl even more.

So why not take this time to learn more about that girl then try to figure out where my (ex) relationship is going to end up six months from now? I mean, I'm saying this now, in this moment of clarity- flash to tonight and I could be knee up in beer and drunk texting him. But hell, after the last couple months, I'll hang on to the moment of clarity for as long as it lasts.

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