Sunday, August 8, 2010

Is it Over Yet?

So we finally met out for drinks last night, just me and him. I was nervous and giddy and way too excited. On my way out the door my roommate said to me 'it's your funeral' but I ignored him and enjoyed the bubbliness I hadn't felt in months. Any one smell heart break in the near future?
We talked and drank and laughed and it all felt so damn good. Way too good. Flash to five hours later and he was giving me a tight hug goodbye and in my slightly tipsy state I mumbled:

"It's hard not to feel things when I'm with you."
His reply was something like "I know me too, but I'm a train wreck."

I think all I did was say bye and walked away. About 20 minutes later I got a text:

him: It was good to see you.
my reply: Same here. Though I can't lie and wish things were different.
him: I understand but I hope you do too.

End scene. I spent the next twenty minutes throwing my work blackberry against my bedroom wall until it shattered into many, many pieces. And oddly enough it made me feel better. I woke up this morning feeling very numb with puffy eyes.

The truth is, I don't understand and I want to call him and say I thought we could hang out as friends, and I thought I could handle it. But I think I'm always going to be feeling more than you do.

What do you guys think? Should I leave it and be done with it or just call and put the final nail in this coffin?


  1. This is my opinion and you are not going to like it, and let me preface it by saying I this case I take my own advice also.

    I think you have said enough, life isn't a Hollywood movie (unfortunately) professing your love will not change his mind it will only hurt you or make him feel guilty which will lead him to confuse you.

    Through that blackberry at the back of his head find a new job and make yourself feel better.

  2. nail. coffin. please. :)

    You're literally just draaaaggging this out and making it worse for yourself... bite the bullet, get out and fill your time with other, more deserving guys. You deserve it.

  3. Lurker that is delurking. You have to let it go. It sucks, it's heartbreaking and it hurts. You can't keep chasing him and thinking that by unloading your feelings onto him you'll change his mind. His made his choice. He really has. It's time for you to accept it. I've been there and it took me a long while to realize that if that guy really had wanted to be with me, he would. He wouldn't let his personal life and excuses get in the way. And you need to let it go for your own self-respect and only then will you actually start to move on. The daydreaming and fantasising about reconnecting and making it all work are is our imaginations way of trying to hang on to the memory and not to have to face the very diffuclt task of moving on.

    It's time. Time to move on. It will hurt even more and be excrutiating at times. But it will be the best thing for you.

  4. *Hugs*

    Life isn't fair sometimes. I know you wanted that Hollywood ending.