I'll Be Smarter In My Next Life

So the interesting part about going through a transition/exploratory time is that it doesn't necessarily mean that I make right decisions. In fact, during this time I'm probably going to make more bad decisions than good but I've been reading that slip ups and mistakes mean I'm taking risks. As long as I learn from them then they aren't all that bad.

And now I'll segue into a Saturday night beer-infused story. I met C at her apartment and caught up about her business trip. Then we met a male coworker of ours out at a bar in the neighborhood. We'll call him M. I've known him a year and is the kind of guy who looks and still acts like a boy. M is shy at work but is actually really funny when you get to know him.

I met some of his friends and did my best to not be shy or introverted. The beer helped. But it was nice to be out and socializing. C left and then M's friends left. So it was just me and M. Do you see where this is going? Me plus beer plus alone with a guy who turns out has a crush on me.

He grabbed me and kissed me at one point. And I ended up kissing him back for a few minutes but then stopped him. I realized quickly that he wasn't a good kisser- I blame his thin lips.

He was also quite drunk and I tried explaining to him that messing around with coworkers is a bad idea. He kept trying a couple more times to put moves on me but I just laughed it off and pushed him away.

I woke up this afternoon and slowly started to beat myself up over making out with M when I knew I didn't have feelings for him. I saw myself spiraling into my old loose hook up stage and feeling more and more shitty about myself. On to one night stands and guys who actually don't have feelings for me or know me but just want some ass. And I thought about the awkwardness at work that'll take place tomorrow and felt worse. Like I don't have enough crazy emotions to deal with at work already!

And then I stopped worrying and decided to give myself a break. I told myself that I still have control over this situation and all I did was kiss him and I didn't lead him on. I was honest to him and myself, and it felt really good. I control when happens, and I control my emotions. I'll treat M the same tomorrow as I did last week. And I'll continue my ME work and tomorrow is a new day!