Sunday, November 15, 2009

Potential Reason #1

During our first month of dating he told me that he's had two serious relationships in the past six years- both about two to three years each. His first ex girlfriend cheated on him with one of her exes and changed careers every three months, his second ex cheated on him with Louis Black and moved to LA to become an actress.

When I realized I wanted to tell him I loved him a couple months ago, I knew I should wait as long as I could for the sake of our relationship because:

A- after I tell him he'll expect me to start cheating

B- after I tell him he's not going to say it back

There's no doubt in my mind that he doesn't feel that same way. That's something that took me awhile to learn, when it's right and when it's working, you stop asking questions and you stop feeling doubt. It's a kind of security I had never felt before I met him. Before him, I was playing games, like everyone else single and twenty-something, but really what I was doing was not accepting the truth.

My 25th birthday and the holidays are coming up- who knows what I'll blurt out with too many spiked eggnogs under mistletoe...

Even knowing his past, I'm still not afraid to say it first. I'm not afraid, because I feel it and he deserves to know that, even only after 8 months in.

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