Thursday, May 3, 2012

Clean Plate

I don’t need a therapist to tell me I’ve immersed myself in the family slice of my pie of life in order to ignore the empty slice that is my love life. 

75% of my day today was filled up with family time via text and calls and 25% was filled up with work. That’s why I thought it was an excellent idea to have 3 glasses of wine during the Fifty Shades book club tonight and text train guy as well as my ex. 

Don’t worry- after 1 text from ex, I deleted his response and wiped it from my memory. It was like it never happened. Give a girl a break. 
I knew what I wanted from him- an immediate response. And that’s what I got. Mission accomplished. I’m a master at the text small talk.
Train guy also texted me back right away. Again, I was 3 glasses of wine deep and after my very limited drinking as of late- this sadly affected me immediately. I suggested we get a drink this weekend. He’s out of town but suggested next week. The banter continued for about a half hour. 

It got to the point where my book club girls yelled at me and had 2 other members act out the texts in front of the group of fifteen. I siped water.
Again, I got what I wanted- immediate entertainment and a possible date (ahem, ignoring the fact that he has a gf)
I’m smoking cigarettes again (this week). Did I mention family life draws my in to the point of me being overwhelmed and stressed? It's a good distraction from that lack of love pie. 
Don't judge.

And while I was chain smoking outside my apartment after book club, I buzz dialed my bestie in Boston. 
I needed to hear things like I don’t need to be in therapy. 
I’m doing okay. I need a rest. 
I need a night out. I need a break. 
She knew what to say, thank god for ten year friendships. 
I hugged the phone before going back inside. 
Then I walk inside my apartment and it smells of windex and air. The cleaning lady my roommate hired had been here. 

I walk in my bedroom 
and there’s folded laundry and no dust and space and my bed is made an entirely different way. 
My pillows are set in a different order. 

For whatever reason, knowing that someone had been here wiping away the dust and clearing clutter for me while I was out dealing with my overwhelming life pie, 
gave me a sense of relief that nicotine hasn’t brought me all week.
Seeing a physical clearing when I’ve been struggling to get a mental one for months 
is something I couldn’t have asked for but has helped, at least in a little baby step, small slice of pie crust kind of way.
Here’s to tomorrow. 


  1. Sometimes the immediate validation that a text from the ex can provide is worth a quick reach out... I finished reading the Fifty Shades serious last week. I've never thought to myself while reading a book "there's too much sex in this" until those books.

  2. Can't find your email address, but yes to the tumblr.

  3. Great! email me at and I'll send you the invite.