I don’t need a therapist to tell me I’ve immersed myself in the family slice of my pie of life in order to ignore the empty slice that is my love life.
75% of my day today was filled up with family time via text and calls and 25% was filled up with work. That’s why I thought it was an excellent idea to have 3 glasses of wine during the Fifty Shades book club tonight and text train guy as well as my ex.
Don’t worry- after 1 text from ex, I deleted his response and wiped it from my memory. It was like it never happened. Give a girl a break.
I knew what I wanted from him- an immediate response. And that’s what I got. Mission accomplished. I’m a master at the text small talk.
Train guy also texted me back right away. Again, I was 3 glasses of wine deep and after my very limited drinking as of late- this sadly affected me immediately. I suggested we get a drink this weekend. He’s out of town but suggested next week. The banter continued for about a half hour.
It got to the point where my book club girls yelled at me and had 2 other members act out the texts in front of the group of fifteen. I siped water.
Again, I got what I wanted- immediate entertainment and a possible date (ahem, ignoring the fact that he has a gf)
I’m smoking cigarettes again (this week). Did I mention family life draws my in to the point of me being overwhelmed and stressed? It's a good distraction from that lack of love pie.
And while I was chain smoking outside my apartment after book club, I buzz dialed my bestie in Boston.
I needed to hear things like I don’t need to be in therapy.
I’m doing okay. I need a rest.
I need a night out. I need a break.
She knew what to say, thank god for ten year friendships.
I hugged the phone before going back inside.
Then I walk inside my apartment and it smells of windex and air. The cleaning lady my roommate hired had been here.
I walk in my bedroom
and there’s folded laundry and no dust and space and my bed is made an entirely different way.
My pillows are set in a different order.
For whatever reason, knowing that someone had been here wiping away the dust and clearing clutter for me while I was out dealing with my overwhelming life pie,
gave me a sense of relief that nicotine hasn’t brought me all week.
Seeing a physical clearing when I’ve been struggling to get a mental one for months
is something I couldn’t have asked for but has helped, at least in a little baby step, small slice of pie crust kind of way.
Here’s to tomorrow.