There are a lot of things that I’ve wondered since my ex and I broke up 2 years ago...but there’s one question that’s more...technical that maybe you can help me with.
I used to stay at his place on the weekends and one of our favorite things to do was play his Wii.
Wii and cooking were like our foreplay. The first time we played he made me into an avatar. Every inch of myself was transformed into a small cartoon on his big flat screen.
As we played I saw some of his friends who I’d met cheer us on and also his parents, who I never met. If there were avatar ex girlfriends in the audience then he never told me. And I never thought to ask. I'll add that to the list.
I wonder though, if I’m still there in his Wii. Am I randomly cheering him on in the audience while he plays now? Did he delete me?
Is that how he sees me now in real life... him being in control of when the game is turned on or off and who plays and how much. Doesn't it feel like it? That he's the one still making up the rules and I'm just left playing catch up, still learning the buttons of the remote.
But I’m always there whether I like it or not for him to see whether an avatar or in real life.
Since I’ve decided to keep him away in an attempt to start my own new game is that fair to him? He’s assuming our game is still going on. We were a We for almost a year...he's not a random I can phase out- though I've been trying for months, he's still reaching out consistently into my non-replys.
Maybe we always stay as a We with the people we date no matter how long we’re together. There’s always a version out there that shows who we were then that no one can touch. A part of who we are now, just inactive.
So I wonder, as time moves on and months pass with no interaction, is the We the same? If I could go back and be a We, would I? Knowing that it won’t last forever would I still want to be a part of the We? I haven’t been a Wii since him, so I guess I know my answer.