Well last night was interesting... After a weekend of hosting friends and family I rallied and joined some coworkers out for karaoke. The group ended up being pretty small and at the end of the night it was me, the old BF, guy coworker and a girl who used to work with us.The old BF got very very drunk. Sloppy and slurry.
I ended up talking to the guy coworker and we both noticed that the other two were talking lower and closer. Our conversation became more superficial as we eavesdropped and realized they were talking about relationships and each other.
He was saying how he respected her and how he’s been burned before. I couldn’t hear the whole conversation but that was the gist of it.
It was getting late at that point and my mood had quickly turned dark. I couldn’t look at him. I was in shock. We all went out into the snow and walked to get taxis. I quickly got in my own and saw him and her getting in one together. I felt like I was watching a bad movie.
This morning I feel empty and angry. Not sad, which I guess is good. The pit in my stomach is turning uneasily and I don’t know what to do. I know it’s been a year and he can do what he wants. But to be in such a small group last night and not even take my feelings into consideration, to me- shows no respect. I want to say something to him. I want to tell him that the end of the night made me uncomfortable. And I’d never do that to him and that if that’s how he’s going to act when we all go out then I don’t want the invite.
I just don’t understand any of it anymore and maybe it’s time to pop back into therapy.
I know I’m awesome and deserve a happy ending but I feel like I’m a million miles away from it. I feel myself getting more closed off and cynical.
I want the relationship I had. I want him to wake up and love me.
I got a text from him this morning that thanked me for coming out last night. I want to write back and say fuck off.
So I’m assuming you’re going to tell me not to call? By the way she’s fat and not pretty. For some reason, it makes me feel worse. Help. I’m now officially stuck between a rock and a hard place.