Monday, February 21, 2011

Growing up without sucking

“There are three types of people in the world- suckers, victims and grownups. Being a grownup means you get to choose your own destiny.” -Instant Star

I’ve spent the last two years being the first two types and I’m pretty fucking tired of it.

It’s a struggle every day to be as self aware as I can be and to go after the things I want- big or small.

It’s so easy to get sucked in and be naive and get taken advantage of.

To sit and do nothing, to not react. To have your mind removed from your body and then beat yourself up over it later.

I’ve wasted nights and good makeup just waiting for things around me to change.

I’ve wasted mornings being frozen in bed just waiting for a reason to start my day.

I need to remember that people don’t change. We are who we are.

And it becomes our own fault for being stuck around sucky situations and sucky people.

Why is it so hard for me to fully realize that my old boyfriend fully sucks?

I need to look at the bigger picture. Drunk, sleaze, workaholic, depressed.

Not in love with me.

Hell, that’s just the small picture.

Any more time I spend being miserable about wanting him or missing him or thinking he’s the only man who’ll ever be able to make me feel whole, well...that makes me a sucker.

The time that was sucked away during our relationship while I was learning about the small picture mentioned above, well that time I was a victim.

I’ve learned though. Though I’m still sorting out how to put my lessons into actions, I’ve learned the difference of who I was and who I am now.

Then, I was someone who couldn’t see past rose colored glasses, and now, I’m someone who knows I’m done being the sucker.

I’m done being the one constantly trying to figure out how to not get hurt again.

The pain will always be there. The victim doesn’t know where the pain comes from, the sucker blames herself for the pain and the grown up learns to deal with the pain and chooses to make it stop.

The grown up accepts that there will be no apology emails or calls, no mysterious flowers from a secret admire, and no guy to chase after you in the rain. The sucker keeps looking and waiting. Well, ladies and gents, I’m done sucking.


  1. "Any more time I spend being miserable about wanting him or missing him or thinking he’s the only man who’ll ever be able to make me feel whole"

    Your right, no one besides yourself can make you feel whole. Its a long lesson. You feel whole yourself, and when a good man comes along you squeeze him into your heart. I still have to remind myself of this.

    Maybe a Sex and the City marathon to put your mind off things? Thats my typical breakup M.O., that and lots of yoga. Oh, post it notes around the house with reasons that he sucks is probably a good idea too!

  2. I agree with Danielle: no one can make you feel sucky or whole except you! Very glad to read that you are are done being the victim or the sucker. All good people can fall prey to it sometimes, but when it's all the time then you have to start looking at yourself. Be happy with yourself first then a man becomes a happy addition and not what is needed to make you happy. Good luck!

  3. "And it becomes our own fault for being stuck around sucky situations and sucky people." Very true. Kudos to you for facing some hard truths about yourself and a tough situation and choosing to get started getting yourself back on track. Sorry you are going through this. Chin up and cheer up. It'll get better, T.

  4. You need to get away from him. D don't be too hard on yourself, others face the same problems everyday...I know I do. Also know there is enough love and support going around our little group of readers that is routing for us all. There will be someone else if you want there to be.

  5. The advantage of being in a grown up place is the peace :) I spent a lot of years being a sucker and victim simultaneously. I'm not all the way on the other side yet but it gets easier with time. It will be better, I promise! And unless you let go of the bad ones, there won't be space for the great ones..

  6. i'm reading it in the right bf broke up with me a week ago...and i never saw the bigger picture...he never loved me, i loved him or at least i thought i did..and he loved to receive love, but he hardly gave it back. I don't wanna be a victim or sucker anymore! thanks for your words and your capability of awareness... you said the words i really needed to read...
    he wasn't the first and won't be the last. Let's get suckers out of our lives :)

  7. Glad I can help! And take care of yourself on the road ahead. I've been there and it was the hardest part of my life. The road to picking ourselves back up isn't a straight line. Know that what you're feeling, we've felt and you will be better than ok.