I'm putting my focus into this new job because I can. And during the day when I get positive feedback, my whole body glows. During the day, I have a purpose. And I don't mind the long hours because I like putting myself into this one thing. I let it take over and push me because I'm learning how to push back and become good.
I'm learning more and more about the sound and level of my own voice in a room filled with half a dozen middle aged men. Them all stopping and listening to what I have to say because I'm the one who moves things forward. I don't hesitate. I worry about mistakes and they do happen. But I move forward as quickly as possible. I handle the next call and next email. Is this how workaholics begin? Probably.
Am I focusing on work maybe a little too much and pushing the other parts of my life onto back burners. Do family and friends just seem like interruptions now? Am I forgetting how to enjoy my self? Yeah.
Am I really allowed to say, 'Well I'm just focusing on work right now. I'm too tired to socialize.'
Yes, BUT- I'm 26 and have no interest in dating. When I think of trying to date and the idea of me being in another relationship, it's as if someone is trying to get me to eat coconut. And I hate coconut. It's an immediate head shake for me. Why? Seriously.
To my own credit I'm pretty and slim and a strong working woman and in all honesty I'm too independent and unobtainable. I'm unreachable and closed off. I'm good at it. It's what I've always been able to do and it's how I function. I look after me, I keep a distance. I have my close friends and for some reason I make everyone else work really hard to get to know me. The old BF got in. And my walls came down. And now they're back up.
And yes, I wish someone pushed for me to go to that dinner. But I don't know what battles to fight right now.
Do I probably need to get good and drink and maybe laid? Do I perhaps need a great kiss or someone to just hold my hand? Do I need to just get out of the damn city or spend more time at the gym? Do I need a hug from my mom or take my head out of my ass? Do I need to hear I Love You or go do hot yoga? I don't know. After close to a 70 hour work week, I'm tired. So someone else please answer my questions well I check out for the weekend.