Monday, October 25, 2010

All The Right Stuff But...

Of course there's always a but, my friends. I don't believe in perfection but can't things be good for a little while without a big old but at the end?

I'm inches away from my new position where I'll grow and mature into this amazing role. But the girl my who my bosses offered my old position to, declined so now we're back at square one. I can't move up until they replace me. It's been over a month. Probably another month to go. I'm so ready for this new position I can taste it. It's like I'm sitting at the dork table, looking around and seeing an open spot with the cool kids. Torture!

I've found this really cute, quirky British fling but he's not really good at giving back if you know what I mean. And actually, hasn' all. I saw him last Thursday night after an open tequila-only bar at an industry party. We met at my place, hooked up and he left. I was more randy as he was leaving then before he got there. Any advice on how to get the control back on a midnight booty call? Damn tequila and accents!

I've finally found an okay balance with my old boyfriend at work and barely take him into consideration anymore. But he still invites me out with his friends, and even after I decline, he feels the need to text me on a Saturday night saying that I didn't miss anything fun. Can some guy decode this for me? Because even if I declined plans with a girlfriend I wouldn't expect her to give me a report in the middle of the night. Confusion, again!

I've been going through some family drama recently. Which really isn't any different from a day that ends in 'y'. The last time these matters arose my old bf was now I put my walls back up to protect myself and gain strength to get through all of it, especially as the holidays approach this is what I have to do. I can't help but think, why can't he be here now to rip the walls down like he once did. I hate that I have to go through this shit alone again. I am stronger then before and more demanding and trying to keep the control in my family, but it's harder and more exhausting this year because my safety net is gone.

I'm worried that I'll spiral like I once did, right before I was with him. I kept my highs high and let my lows be low. And muddled with extra drinking and nights out in between. Nothing off scale, just enough for me to be off balanced. I'm worried but I hate it even more, that this somehow all manages to cycle back to him. My stress and vulnerability from my family, how I hold it in until a Saturday night comes around and let loose. How in the end it may have been him who saved me from the worst part of myself. How I wish in the end, it'll be him to still catch me when I least expect it.

I know what you're going to say, it's time I catch myself. I say back, that sometimes, even after three vodka ice teas on a Monday night, it's hard to play catch alone.


  1. Maybe you should start getting involved in the recruiting for your replacement.

    Sounds like the British guy needs training if you decide to keep him, can't help you there. Your ex seems to be having a bit of a problem letting go too. I suggest not replying or getting sucked into those text messages. He is looking for familiar ground.

  2. He's thinking about you, that's why he's sending the follow-up texts. It's like guys can sense when you are over them enough to not want to get back together. If only they would come back around before we're fed up.

  3. I agree with Sarah--he's thinking about you.
    And I hate to say it, but hang in there. x