Making Moves, Just Not Sure Where

I blame my recent decisions on an uber long stressful work week. I won't get into details but the transition into my next role hasn't been a smooth one due to a very short fused, bitter, stressed out soon to be former manager. I've been leaving work shaken and on edge due to his unpredictable treatment of me. I refuse to let it bother me anymore though. One person's opinion of me should not rattle me that much or make me question my performance at work. I've gotten better at reacting logically to work situations and less emotionally via the book How to Play Like a Man and Win Like a Woman. It's brought down my stress a lot and helped maintain perspective. But this past week was more trying than most.

Friday night I ended up working late and had to turn down the Brits invite to go to his place for an after work happy hour. Nudge nudge. A half bottle of wine helped slide me into an easy sleep. Saturday morning I woke up refreshed and had a nice productive, errand filled gym day. And then I made an interesting decision.

I took the old bf up on one of his offers to hang out. He had extended an invitation earlier in the week with a group but I turned it down per usual, saying I had to work. But the truth was, I wanted to hang out with him and I wanted to see the Dan Band. I brought my bff E with me who always is a fan of the Band. So it was me, E, old bf and our mutual friend D from work. And in all honesty, the night was fun! Sure the awesome show helped and so did the beer. But it was just nice to be around him. Were old feelings there? Yes. And of course I hate that those feelings are still there and most likely will never go away. I can give you a laundry list of reasons why I shouldn't like him and why he's not relationship material. And I know things between us aren't going to change, ever. But I see him do or say little things that are just so him, that I think most people don't even notice, and I have this inner smile that still fondly appreciates everything about him. I'm not sure if that smile will ever go away, no matter how many invitations from him I turn down.

We all grabbed more drinks and food after the show. Again, more laughs, and more ease all around. We could've continued the night with them but E and I said we had a friends party to go to. We went to our new goto bar and talked about the tragedy of first loves over more beer. Overall a very good night and I ended up, of course, shacking up with the Brit. Who confirmed my suspicion of the stereotypes that Brits don't 'give back' to girls who aren't their girlfriends. Not sure if you've heard of this, but the Brit confirmed it. Apparently I have to start dating him to get more fulfilled. Thoughts anyone?

I'll say this...even though I don't spend a lot of vertical time with the Brit and am shocked at how okay I am with how little I know about him, he's still a great distraction. And it's nice to just have a break from my normal routine and do something a tad casual, to get out of my own head for a little while.