I’ve compartmentalized my needs so much that I’m not sure if Maslow would spit at me or shake my hand. I look at things two ways- what I can handle/control now and what I’ll figure out later.
Family: in small, little tidbits. Dad visits now, Mom visits later. Sister’s drama later. Brother’s phone calls to chat now. But quick so we don’t talk about anything heavy.
Have Thanksgiving there. Figure out Christmas later. Just don’t be alone. I make simple, little decisions that make my day move forward. I stay distant, yet succinct so I don’t get overwhelmed or anxious about the holidays.
Relationships: emotional stability comes from my girlfriends on Saturday nights. Mental stimulation (brunch, movies, art galleries) come from my new gay guy friend three/four times a week. Sexual satisfaction comes from the Brit once a week. Connection of intimacy (though repressed majority of time by my demand to stay emotionally distant to protect myself) comes from the old bf, daily, unfortunately.
Work: I transition into the new department on Dec 29th and leave my department after over two years.
That in itself gets an entire mental storage space big enough for a minivan.
After I described this all to my friend B, she asked how my cupboards looked? Nice and organized, she mused. It must be exhausting to fill all of the cupboards up with nice, neat, compartments. Imagine clearing them out. Facing family straight on. Having one guy to fulfill all of my needs. Moving forward completely with work and being in the role that I deserve to rock it.
is it exhausting, yes? But what option to I have? I’m protecting myself and trying to move forward. Sometimes all you can do is take baby steps and make labels in order to do that.