Tonight we talked about how we are both people who like to make others happy. And I'm realizing that this has started to turn into a negative thing. I have been proudly defining myself as low maintenance in my relationships with guys and girls. I accredit this to being easy to get along with and one who goes with the flow and doesn't add to drama. But mother kind of blinked at me as I said this.
She replied by saying 'I don't know why you think being low maintenance is a good thing. But all it got me was the end of a 30 year marriage.'
I realized that she's totally right. If there's a difference between being low maintenance and a complacent pushover then I don't think I know it. I'm constantly the one who goes with whatever the leader in the group wants to do to avoid confrontation. I guess I've turned into a follower in that sense because I feel like most little battles don't matter. I rarely get frustrated in front of other people or get angry. In the end if I continue to nod my head at this and that I'm not going to get any closer to where I want to be. Where ever that may be.
When did I stop standing up and going after what I wanted - big or small? If I don't fight for the little things then I'll never be able to stay strong in the big choices I make. What's wrong with showing a little anger if someone has pissed me off or treated me wrong? I'm tired of tense shoulders and holding back. When did I become the kind of people whose too timid to say, "I want..."??