Not Laughing Yet

I know one day I'll look back at these Saturday nights that I end up alone scrubbing my bathtub stone cold sober and laugh. It may be a bitter, uneasy laugh, but I'm sure I'll laugh. Don't think that the thought of being crazy drunk while scrubbing the bathtub didn't cross my mind, but I'm really trying hard to not drink whenever I get depressed. And I suppose it's safe to say that I've been feeling rather down lately. I've been spending a lot of time alone, unintentionally but nonetheless alone.

My friends have been frustrating recently, very unreliable and flakey. I'm the kind of friend who likes to give advice, problem solve and be there. I'm the one who picks up the phone for the 2AM drunken, crying phone calls. But for some reason when I try to reach out, I don't get the support I'm looking for. And it's becoming exhausting the more I try to reach out.

Not sure what kind of support I need these days- a push to start dating again or help in plotting on getting him back. In either case, it's summer in the city and I'm tired of sweating and sleeping alone. I know who I want in my bed and it's been four months. Will I still be feeling this way four months from now? Will I be laughing yet?

I hate getting this glum before SNL is even on...maybe I'll paint my nails or find some frozen yogurt. Maybe I just need someone to slap me and say 'Snap out of it!'