Mixed with beer.
You are the love of my life.
The biggest mistake.
You are the most amazing woman I know.
I'll never be able to express what you meant to me.
I know it doesn't mean anything now but I wish I deserved you.
It was ALL my fault.
I fear I'm already fucking you up.
Truth. This IS what he said. Fuck, double shit.
Help- is an understatement.
Mentally while my head exploded, I said 'fuck, fuck, fuck' on repeat.
A million times.
In all dramatic seriousness.
I've never mentally had to wrap my head around any thing like this.
While he asked me if I had been seeing anyone.
I said 'I'm not the kind of girl who believes in love or marriage.
You should've known that. But yes, I've met men since you.'
(I didn't say just 4 weeks ago)
He said good.
I told him, in between kisses, while thinking of the amoebas he's kissed,
'I'm not the kind of girl you can turn off and on.'
I thought about how he was the first and only male I've emotionally let it.
'I'm not the kind of ex you can just sleep with.'
I thought about the girl I saw who dragged him up her nasty ass doorstep while drunk.
Tonight I think... he was drunk. I missed him, but never THAT much.
His kisses made me think. I just don't know what.
His self esteem is STILL lower then dirt and he can bring NOTHING to my life.
BUT. WHAT? HELP! Is there a safe in between?
Or, at this point...is this...a bad memory of the past. Or a bumpy look into the future?
Help. Do I put faith into the man who I stopped loving? Or move forward without him?
It is...all or nothing.
He's the singing frog that no one can see... is he still worth hanging around?