Thursday, September 15, 2011

My Spin On Vampire Diaries. Double Shit!!

Tonight he said to me the following, in no particular order.
Mixed with beer.

You are the love of my life.
The biggest mistake.
You are the most amazing woman I know.
I'll never be able to express what you meant to me.
I know it doesn't mean anything now but I wish I deserved you.
It was ALL my fault.
I fear I'm already fucking you up.

Truth. This IS what he said. Fuck, double shit.
Help- is an understatement.

Mentally while my head exploded, I said 'fuck, fuck, fuck' on repeat.
A million times.
In all dramatic seriousness.
I've never mentally had to wrap my head around any thing like this.

While he asked me if I had been seeing anyone.
I said 'I'm not the kind of girl who believes in love or marriage.
You should've known that. But yes, I've met men since you.'
(I didn't say just 4 weeks ago)

He said good.

I told him, in between kisses, while thinking of the amoebas he's kissed,
'I'm not the kind of girl you can turn off and on.'

I thought about how he was the first and only male I've emotionally let it.
'I'm not the kind of ex you can just sleep with.'
I thought about the girl I saw who dragged him up her nasty ass doorstep while drunk.

Tonight I think... he was drunk. I missed him, but never THAT much.
His kisses made me think. I just don't know what.
His self esteem is STILL lower then dirt and he can bring NOTHING to my life.
BUT. WHAT? HELP! Is there a safe in between?

Or, at this this...a bad memory of the past. Or a bumpy look into the future?
Help. Do I put faith into the man who I stopped loving? Or move forward without him?
It is...all or nothing.

He's the singing frog that no one can see... is he still worth hanging around?


  1. Move forward without him, looking back all the time seems to cause problems, for all of us, actually everyone.

    I'm watching TVD tonight, I hope it is good. Did you watch Ringer? I'm a loyal SMG fan, but still prefer Mrs Gellar kicking ass as Buffy than being any other character.

  2. Keep moving forward without him. You have grown so much, just in the time I've been reading your blog and you deserve better...and so far you have met better.

  3. Hmm...I agree with Bonda.
    Loved TVD. Damon is smoking! And I watched Ringer. Was kinda cheesy but we'll see if it gets better.