I had an interesting day at work and my horoscope didn’t have the decency to warn me about it last night.
I got put into a position I didn’t feel comfortable in morally. My inner good slayer shouted out ‘because it’s wrong’.
I wasn’t in a place to say anything though or change it. The problem flew up to the big dogs and it got done. I didn’t do anything wrong. I wasn’t the one who had the authority to get the yes that the client needed to hear. So I stood in a room and watched and listened.
This industry I’m in doesn’t play by the rules of black and white business. There’s a lot of work ‘done in good faith’ and pointing fingers and miscommunication. I’m surrounded by these amazingly strong women who don’t believe in the word no, no matter the costs or labor that goes into getting a yes. It amazes me.
I’m in this new role to learn and grow, and be a part of something different. To experience something out of my comfort zone. And that’s what I got.
Do I like it? Not all the time. Just because I’m good at my job doesn’t mean I agree with the workflow and how our vendors are treated. But I signed on.
I don’t know how to always get a yes. This job will teach me that and I’ll have to find my own way to get it the way I want to. The way that feels right to me.
I’m not going to wallow or feel this uneasy guilt for being in this role. I won’t let the fleeting weight of things get to me. I’m in control.
I could let this shake me and lose confidence. But I choose not to. I choose Chaka Kahn. I choose vodka. And maybe picking up cigarettes again.
I choose to let tomorrow come and today be yesterday.
I choose to be better tomorrow and stronger.
I choose to not let what I do define me. I choose to let it just be something I do and leave it at that. I’m not curing cancer, I’m not starting WW3. I’m making :30 commercials as best as I can and putting on my slippers at the end of the day.