Monday, February 15, 2010

The VDay That Wasn't

You ever reach your breaking point? Valentine's day was mine. I told my bf a week ago that I was too overwhelmed with family drama to really focus on Vday and hey, how about we do something low key. So he says he'll cook for me. I like that idea. He cooks every now and then. I pictured candles, I pictured me in new lingerie. I picked up a tie and a card before I got to his place for the weekend. Saturday- unfortunately, like normal routine, we watched TV most of the day and then went out for dinner.

I offered up a couple afternoon activities- like pet store or bowling but no enthusiasm actually got us there. Sunday- unfortunately, like normal routine, he got up and showered. And didn't acknowledge the holiday, once. No flowers. No candy. No fucking card. Nothing. We bummed around on the couch until the afternoon. Then we went grocery shopping and he cooked dinner. I lit two candles. We watched movies till about 1. I put on my new VSecret lingerie and he gave me a kiss and smile before going into the bathroom to wash up...I told my girlfriend this tonight while we were on our second bottle of wine...this was the shock factor for her.

The fact that he went to go wash up while I sat in bed in my new fifty dollar nightgown and waited for him. I look back now and am yelling and throwing hard object at myself.

So you know what stayed dormant this weekend? Besides my pent up feelings? His VDay card, his VDay present, and the oil and lotion I bought from PleasureChest. I got on the train this afternoon and started to cry (not the first time). I've reached my breaking point. I love him but I he's not the same guy that uses to dip me and kiss me randomly when we were first dating. I know relationships change, but instead of growing...ours is in a downward spiral. He used to be in the drivers' seat and me, happily next to him. And now, no ones watching the road.

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