Surprise Me

You know what’s great? Fan-fucking-tastic even? The ability to go away for a weekend and laugh about getting angry drunk off of too much tequila (ahem, and beer, and vodka) and yelling at a guy for telling you that you’re too old to bar make out.

What’s better? During that same weekend reaching your goal of buying a fabulous obnoxiously big floppy summer hat, spending hours in book stores with your new best friend and napping without guilt.

I can top it...the ability to surprise yourself when you don’t know that you needed to.

Like giving your notice to a company after three years, that is begging you to stay. But you know you’re making the right decision to leave.

Suddenly, I stand in the hallways at work and get flashbacks to the fall of senior year of high school. Suddenly, I'm ready to see a different set of leaves change color and leave these ones behind.

Always leave them wanting more, my mother says. Which really can be applied in and outside the bedroom. For me though, it seems to work better out rather then in with the men.

I gave my notice today to take on a job that I wasn’t looking for. It may be the biggest, most intimidating challenge and yet the most risky, necessary step I could’ve taken at 26.

I mean, my company is clearly running low on quirky men who want me so it’s time to shuffle along anyway. (pause for laughs)

My father says this is the most excited I’ve sounded in ten years and the money doesn’t hurt either. My mother says well at least you won’t see the old BF anymore. So really, it’s a win win from both parties.

This is where I will grow. Whether I succeed in it or fail out of it. This next step is mine and it’s sculpting me more as an adult. Why I’ve never felt more adult? Because instead of letting the fear of the unknown halt my next move, I’m letting it push the adrenaline through me. I’m accepting the fear and that failing big is a part of life.

I’m the girl who told the guy she loved she wasn’t happy, the girl who kissed her crush, the girl who demanded a challenge when she was bored at work, and now I’m the girl whose rocking her own boat to see what’s next.

Next chapter please. I’m ready.