Becoming

The one thing we can depend on is things changing. When life starts to feel too static and I can’t see any movement ahead, I look at the 10 day forecast for relief. The temperature will rise and fall, it’ll change, it’ll effect you and sometimes that’s all you need.

I’m amazed at how things do change though, with us pushing or pulling or miles away, the change happens.

People who were barely in your life at one point, now permanent fixtures. You mess up and they’re still there now. A new friend. When before you were strangers in the hallway, not even blinking in the same direction.

Then there’s other people, the ones who by definition were always supposed to be there for you, the ones who were supposed to know and love you the best through it all, shockingly, now- you cant find a reason to pick up the phone and call. The connection to them feels empty and somber, like a volume that you can’t bring yourself to turn up, so you let it stay silent.

You change. You change for the better, you change for the worst, each day. You let other people in, all the way in, and you try not to worry if they’ll be gone tomorrow. You let some people go because you know they’ll disappoint you when it matters most, or maybe they already have. You let some people go because you know you’ll disappoint them when it matters most, even if they don’t know it yet.

You care about the little things less and laugh at the big things as you shake your head at another rainy sky. You walk taller and answer to yourself more. You get more comfortable with the lows and you rejoice in the highs. You take the time for quiet and you take the time for loudness. You push yourself and look for new adventures, a new best friend, a new crush, a new story to tell.

You get okay with failing and understand it’s just you, learning. You learn to smile at your reflection with no makeup on. You say sorry less and own your own faults. You start to love dancing alone and singing loud. You take less time for the people who make you doubt yourself and more time for you. You feel good about feeling good.

You become you, with change.

Or as I like to call it-- that identical feeling that’s in that scene in Bridget Jones when she’s walking over the Thames Bridge with no cigarette, post break up and that really happy music is playing when the wind picks up. You know what I mean??