On my tip toes

I took three days to pick the restaurant. And once I stopped overanalyzing it, I picked a great little Italian restaurant downtown- casual, cozy, moderately priced and good people watching.

Overall, the second date with C didn’t feel like a second date. It felt like we were in a relationship and had been together for weeks. I don’t have nervous butterflies but I like spending time with him and feel relaxed. He’s attentive, funny and smart. He listens to me and is outgoing and confident without being arrogant.

I took him to the oldest bar in the city which he had never been to. I’ve been there a few times and it’s always a good go to. There’s saw dust on the floor, only 2 kinds of beer, 1 waiter and they pack in the tables with people. It’s my kinda place.

We spent hours at the bar so our table got rotated out with people a lot. I liked being close to him and leaning against his side as more people sat down. His arm slid around my back to take ownership over me when more men were at the table then girls. I didn’t mind.

Last call came and went. We were outside on the sidewalk and he kissed me. He said he’d been waiting all night to do that.

It all felt familiar. The old BF had said the same thing to me after our second date. He came into my head for a moment then, but the thought was blank. I simply thought ‘I’ve been here before.’

C and I made out on every street corner along the twenty block walk back to my apartment. He told me he wanted to see me again as soon as possible. We kissed a lot more. In different ways- hard and heavy and deep, and then slow and soft. It all felt familiar. ‘I’ve been here before.’

I couldn’t let myself go. I couldn’t let him upstairs. I didn’t put my guard down. The last time I let someone in, my guard had been down and he still wanted me. He saw me at my worst. He saw my uglies and still wanted to hold my hand through a crowd. C was holding my hand on the second date.

It feels out of order. I want to be here. But right now it feels like I’m tiptoeing into this new thing, when I’d rather just be more grounded. I want to know what I’m getting in to.