I was in the middle of a conversation with a friend when he turned to me and said, “Wait, I thought you were happy being single?”
I don’t know what I said that set him off but I replied quickly. “Whose happy being single?” He brought up the benefit of casual sex and I agreed but his question stayed with me.
Have I been happy being single this past months? I know my vag hasn’t been but I haven’t really thought about my emotional and mental self. I got really good at ignoring it.
I felt it tonight.
And maybe it’s just the burst of Spring and the abundance of pregnancies and engagements that come with it, but I felt that old deep pang of loneliness when I left work tonight.
That pang and frustration that comes with turning around and not having a safety net.
The doubt that comes with knowing that though it’s up to me whether I go out or stay in on a Friday night, there’s no one that will really care.
The sadness that comes with waiting for that guy, or any guy, to see you and give you the attention you deserve. And the sadness gets worse as the waiting continues.
There’s a piece that’s missing when you know you’re amazing, are told that you’re amazing but still don’t get to the next step of returned affection. It doesn’t help that these compliments mostly come from married or engaged men whose next thought is probably ‘Why is she single’ which luckily I haven’t heard out loud yet.
In the last two days from two different unavailable guys I heard ‘this is why I like you..’ and they went on to describe the awesome qualities I already know about myself. And though compliments like this make me glow, at the same time I just wonder why are all the wrong men noticing my awesomeness?
Am I too awesome and confident to the point where I seem unobtainable? It could be possible. Look at Buffy.
The next guy that asks me why I'm still single, I am going to ask him why wouldn't he date me. I mean, please answer your own questions for eff's sake.
ReplyDeleteBeing too awesome is a hard disease to live with, but I do just fine.
Someone once commented on my blog that the boys in relations know you're awesome because they already know the awesome qualities it takes to be a mate. It's the stupid, single ones who haven't figured that out yet.
ReplyDeleteI like that answer. And I may have added the word "stupid."
Do these people who think you're awesome have awesome single guy friends? ;)
ReplyDeleteSarah's answer could be true, or perhaps these unavailable guys are allowed to get close enough to notice. Or the available guys are to scared to try?
ReplyDeleteI know none of those answers make you feel any better.
I have the same problem with all the wrong guys saying the wrong things. I often wonder if it's supposed to be some big test to see if I handle the situation right LOL You will find the right guy that says the right thing someday...one who truly sees the awesomeness that you are :D
ReplyDeleteOh, girl... I totally hear you. I have been feeling this way myself a lot lately. Not to toot my own horn, but I know I'm a great girl and have a lot to offer to the right person. I can't help but slip into a sad place every now and then (as you said, there's been a baby boom lately and I always get a bit of anxiety when another wedding invitation comes in the mail and I have to consider my plus one). That all being said, I've tried shifting my focus as of late. I've decided that some things are just beyond reach and comprehension and the right one will come along when we least expect it, right? (At least that's what I'm told about 200 times a day). So why not enjoy the life of a single gal as much as possible while we still can?
ReplyDeleteWe can flirt, have fun without repercussions, hang out with the single friends in our lives, go out dancing, do whatever the hell we want... Life is always what we make of it, and I have to say: that's not the worst place to find ourselves in ;)