Does the heart open and then close before it breaks? Do I spend weeks floating on air before I realize I’m crashing? Do I beg for change when all I really want is his body to hold me close like before everything changed?
Is your first love always there until...you accept that love exists again? Am I going to be hard, and broken and alone, until... I fully shut him out and let myself live alone. Will he one day stop looking at me, touching me, like he used to. God. Why did I fall for the nice guy? It could be worse. I know, my breakup could’ve been more of a heart break. But it would’ve been nice if the break was less nice and more bitter then sweet. It would’ve made breaking from him, easier for my heart.
I saw someone kiss him tonight. And maybe he kissed her back. But she kissed him again. And I was standing there, in that moment. Wanting to be anyone else. Not wanting to see any of it. Wanting, to be a part of anything else.
It’s a slow, easy, friendly torture, to be friends with your ex.
One kind of torture that I can flirt with out of boredom, out of slight, silly hope. But not out of reality.
You know how you’re friends with your exes. and you stay in touch and you know whose a swinger and whose having a kid.
well that’s not going to be me.
im never going to be friends like that. because i’ll always be waiting for you to want more. and that's all i really need to say. for me.