One of the gentleman suitors I left behind recently asked me if I'd ever considered moving back...and it's kinda funny cause even though I've only been gone a month I've never not missed anything more. And the thought never crossed my mind once.
I mean no disrespect to my friends- who I miss daily, but I don't miss the city. Like at all. I don't miss the buildings or loud horns or crowded smelly streets or anxiety. Because the move happened so fast I thought I'd feel this uneasiness here, like I ran away or have been uprooted but I feel the opposite.
Like I said before I feel more grounded here then I have in a long time and I think having my own place has a lot to do with that. My very own santuary. I always knew I'd want to live alone eventually but had no idea how calming and pleasant it is. I feel kinda like a queen or something just floating around in my own space, doing whatever I want...openly farting, singing, dancing.
The only furniture I have is my new bedroom set so I eat meals on a TV tray on my bed right now but in the next couple weeks I'll be getting more essentials. I have never used pinterest before and have found it totally addicting. I've lost hours on that site and I still don't 100% understand it. Buying furniture is a kind of panic I've never felt before because if I buy one thing that's tinted the wrong color or an inch too big the whole place is ruined and I'll start over...not really but you get it.
I think about my ex boyfriend sometimes but not like I used to. When I think of him and look at pictures or his facebook I get a very familiar de ja vu feeling. It's like those few moments when you wake up and you remember a dream but all you can picture is a couple things, not a full image. And you feel sentimental for a brief second but then the image becomes so fragmented you're able to move on from it quickly and easily. It's like trying to think about a memory that was never fully real. You can't miss it or be sad about not having it because there's nothing filling whatever it is you're trying to remember. So letting go to it is the most natural thing you've ever done...like blinking or sighing or openly farting in your own apartment.