Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Perhaps I Was Unclear

Remember last month when I said all I wanted to do was get through May so life could balance itself back out in June? We all heard me say that right? I said this to my blog world, the universe and my family and friends. I was kinda due for a better month. Something got lost in translation.
I got laid off yesterday from a job I loved. I had been with the company for 2 years and I was going to ask for a raise this week.

It was the second round of layoffs in a week under the direction of a new CSO and there was no warning signs my department would get hit. We did. Me and three other senior level producers.

Just a word of advice- if you ever are asked to go into a room with your boss to talk and there's a woman or man you've never met before sitting with a folder- run the other way. 
Everything happened in slow motion- even when I left the office at noon and started pounding JD and cokes at the nearest bar. 

The boyfriend and a few friends met me out around 6pm. By that time I was pretty much drunk but decided champagne was a great idea. I cried and drank and laughed and drank. 

My boyfriend took me back to his place in the suburbs and we hooked up for the first time in months. We both needed it and it actually did make me feel better. Today was a dark day for me. He went to work and I stayed in his bed for the entire day. Only getting up to pee.

I'm back at my place now and everyone's advice is floating in my head. Take time off, escape for a few weeks, go to Boston, go to London. I'm scared to switch off, even for a day. I worked so hard to get to this point in my career and I was literally just thinking to myself how much I loved my job and where I was at. I need to dive back in and start new but I'm still attached to where I was just yesterday.

I'm angry. I feel lost and confused but mostly sad. I don't know what to do or where to go. The silver lining is here somewhere. I'm meant to go somewhere and be a part of something else that I can't see right now. I want tomorrow to come but I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to do with it. Any ideas?


  1. Isn't the silver lining unemployment checks?

    But seriously, sorry about the layoff. That sucks! This is why people like myself stay in shitty jobs they hate, job security.

    I would just write some "thought webs" to figure out your next step. Sure, you're sad to go, and they may have been sad to see you leave, but they are over it by now. Time to move on to the next great thing.

    What jerks they are to not lay you off on a Friday! Hello, that's layoffs 101!

  2. Seriously?! Crap!! Give yourself some time and figure it out. xx