Sunday, May 12, 2013


Can I fast forward to June? I'm over this month. I'm over the last 5 months actually and feeling on pause in my relationship. 

We're talking and communicating but sometimes, like this past weekend, we both feel meh and talk less. And I'd rather be with him and feel meh then not be with him. 

He has his surgery this week and then by the time he fully recoups then I have mine. So in theory we should be both feeling better by June. I like to think this way. That I'll feel like buying sexy lingerie again and we can go on vacation somewhere in June. And our relationship will involve less couch time.

But then my head gets filled with 'what ifs'. What if his health worries don't go away and what if they get worse? What if he needs another operation in 6 months? What if we've lost our intimacy? Two people can't last if they both feel meh. 

I'm in my own head too much. I wonder if I'm being supportive enough and helpful and I know he's wondering the same thing.
We're pretty much a couple with broken legs right now. That's what the weight of these operations feels like. A tad dramatic,  I know. 

But this waiting is paralyzing and we both know it. We've talked about it but not too recently. And now I think we're at this point of -OK we want these times to be over. 
It could be worse but I really think limbo is one of the worst places to be. I keep having these daydreams and sometimes actual dreams of how I want things to be, a mix of how they were and should be without all these messy health stuff. 

Then I wake up and we've spent another weekend together and I don't get my dreams in reality. I don't have the energy for them right now. In June, I will though. The weight will be lighter and we'll feel like real people again, not stuck in a waiting room.  


  1. Even though this post is about "meh", I like it. It shows that relationships are not all hearts and flowers and cutesy little things. Even though I know that and have experienced it, its always interesting to be given a taste of other peoples as well.

    This limbo sounds awful though. I hope that things pull around for you in June, May will be over soon enough, too soon.

  2. I hope your mehs are going better. I am feeling meh myself, so I totally get it!!! I hope your guys feel better and that things will pick up as they were before. June is almost here!