The Feb 14th

I don't understand Valentine's Day. I appreciate the rom-com movie marathons that take over cable television and the Empire State Building sparkling in red and pink, but I still don't get it.

I liked getting Valentine's Day cards dropped in my desk mailbox in elementary school. And feeling that swell of self-accomplishment at the end of the day if my crush had dropped one off. 

In middle school I'd just buy red and pink M&Ms for my best girlfriends and skip the cards.

In high school, while I was away at boarding school, my mother would always send me a card and my brother would send me carnations. And I watched rom-com marathons. 

In college through my early twenties I would typically just go out with girlfriends and have an unofficial anti-Valentines Day by getting drunk and not actually acknowledging the holiday. 

Then...I had this Valentines Day.

After that I turned Valentines Day back into February 14th. 

Now as you know I'm back with the ex again. And things are good. We both have things we need to work on and certain hurdles to get through. 

Especially with his 37th birthday coming up next month and him coming to terms with getting older. I have a feeling he'll want to down play/not celebrate at all but I'm sure we'll acknowledge it in some way. Considering I celebrate my birthday for a week at least, he can't really get away with not celebrating his. 

So about Valentines Day. I've already gotten a few confused reactions from friends when I told them my plans...what I ended up doing was buying a handful of tickets to a 9pm comedy show. It was a spontaneous decision I made last week not knowing if the boyfriend is going to be working late or not, I was determined to at least have plans. 

I told him about the tickets today as he mentioned his schedule is going to be crazy this week. I realized now I should've perhaps explained my thought process and at least acknowledged the holiday. 

But really, I didn't. I made it simple to not stir up old memories for me. I cooly explained if he wasn't working late I have an extra ticket for him. 

This was my way of taking charge and saying we don't need any extra pressure right now- especially to make fancy weekday dinner reservations somewhere when both of our work schedules are unpredictable. 

If we want to do a nice dinner, let's plan it during a day that makes sense for both of us. 

I didn't actually get into the whole take charge part and didn't realize I was avoiding the holiday till I was on my way back to my apartment. 

I don't need a shrink-a-dink to tell me why I'm avoiding the holiday...I don't want to be disappointed like I was a couple years ago. Plain and simple. 

So I'm making plans that make sense. And yes, of course, I will take advantage of this silly heart holiday and probably get some new lingerie that I needed anyway. 

I realize I end up wearing his boxers and tshirts to bed more and more and it wouldn't kill me to buy some lace and silk. 

Though let's face it, I've read enough Cosmo to know that men don't really care what a girl wears to bed as long as it comes off easily.