Light Bulb

You know how when a light goes out but then for the next hour you still try to turn the light on? I get stuck in that emotional mental mind game about boys. And I don’t realize it till I see my friends do it and call it out to them.

We get trapped in the circle of ‘what if’s and ‘should I’s’. See last post. :)

What if he’s sleeping with other people? What if he doesn’t care for me how I care for him? 

Should I text him when he hasn’t text me all day? Should I go out on a date? 
I could go on for days.

Today a friend reminded me, that it really doesn’t matter what he does or what I think I should do. 

It’s about what I want.

And suddenly I reminded the other half of my brain there’s nothing I can do about the light until I get it fixed. 
My mind is fighting with the fact that it’s broken. 

I’m not comparing a broken light to my relationship. 

I’m comparing it to how we think and manage to complicate things so easily and quickly by fighting against what we already know.

I answered the question. 

I want a couple good friends who love me after seeing me at my worst and can pick up their phone to listen to me drunk cry at 1am and still meet me for brunch the next day.

I want 1 person who can make me laugh and wants to hold my hand and kiss me on street corners.

Nothing else really matters 

and there’s not much more I need to figure out right now. 

I’ll find that 1 person whether it’s my ex or the guy my  friend wants to set me up with or someone else. 

The light will turn on again, so I can tell the other half of my brain to stop fighting it and playing with switches.