Sunday, September 25, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Old BF: Looking back at the texts, I wasn't trying to downplay talking. We can.
C: Had a lot of fun last night and today...already laying out my suit for Wednesday!
The Brit: Does 8:30pm work for you? I have wine and can also order some food too :)
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
When: day after date 4
What: the good kind of cheese
Scene: he knew work had been stressful for me this week and sent me a picture of the poster in his office wall that relaxed him
My text: today wasn’t as bad as Monday and Tuesday. Mainly cause I was thinking about last night :)
His response: my coworker says I’ve had a goofy smile on my face all day :)
How we left it last night...He wants to cook dinner for me...at this place...on Saturday night. Bow chika bow wow.
I’ll be bringing my toothbrush and a bottle of wine and whatever cute outfit I buy at Victoria Secrets.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
I had an interesting day at work and my horoscope didn’t have the decency to warn me about it last night.
I got put into a position I didn’t feel comfortable in morally. My inner good slayer shouted out ‘because it’s wrong’.
I wasn’t in a place to say anything though or change it. The problem flew up to the big dogs and it got done. I didn’t do anything wrong. I wasn’t the one who had the authority to get the yes that the client needed to hear. So I stood in a room and watched and listened.
This industry I’m in doesn’t play by the rules of black and white business. There’s a lot of work ‘done in good faith’ and pointing fingers and miscommunication. I’m surrounded by these amazingly strong women who don’t believe in the word no, no matter the costs or labor that goes into getting a yes. It amazes me.
I’m in this new role to learn and grow, and be a part of something different. To experience something out of my comfort zone. And that’s what I got.
Do I like it? Not all the time. Just because I’m good at my job doesn’t mean I agree with the workflow and how our vendors are treated. But I signed on.
I don’t know how to always get a yes. This job will teach me that and I’ll have to find my own way to get it the way I want to. The way that feels right to me.
I’m not going to wallow or feel this uneasy guilt for being in this role. I won’t let the fleeting weight of things get to me. I’m in control.
I could let this shake me and lose confidence. But I choose not to. I choose Chaka Kahn. I choose vodka. And maybe picking up cigarettes again.
I choose to let tomorrow come and today be yesterday.
I choose to be better tomorrow and stronger.
I choose to not let what I do define me. I choose to let it just be something I do and leave it at that. I’m not curing cancer, I’m not starting WW3. I’m making :30 commercials as best as I can and putting on my slippers at the end of the day.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Our third date was going to be drinks and then a comedy show but we were having such a good time just hanging out and talking, we skipped the show. We went to a few different bars and again, ended up being out from 8pm till after 3. And again we made out on more street corners then I could count. I’ve started to really like the red light that faces the crosswalk.
I got that look throughout the night that only a guy can give. The ‘I adore you’ look. The ‘I can’t wait to kiss you’ look. I like that look. A lot.
Being in front of my apartment building was the most mentally challenging part of the night. We were up against the side of the building and I’ll be honest, it was pretty fucking hot. He has this slow and gentle thing and then fast and hard switch off that drives me absolutely amazingly crazy. To the point where I can’t catch my breath and my foot pops.
Mentally a few dozen times I said ‘Okay, I can’t physically say no, so you’re going to have to.’ but the words didn’t come. He just kept on kissing me and running his fingers through my hair.
My head was dizzy and my body was sizzling.
After close to an hour I pushed him away. And breathed out the only two letter word I could say ‘OK.’
‘I’m out of town next weekend. So I want to see you this week. Let’s get dinner.’
I said again, ‘OK.’
We kissed again. Slow and soft this time.
My footing staggered while I walked through the front door. I smirked and turned around to meet his eyes. Every cell in my body wanted to grab him and drag him in. But the high from the anticipation was indescribable and I didn’t want it to end yet.
‘This week.’ I heard him say as I went through the door and tried to remember how to walk in a straight line. This week was off to a pretty good start and I hadn’t even watched True Blood yet.